How I killed you
by OneWayToLearn
Summary: Choices we make shape us as a person and sometimes duty and love stand against each other. But if we made the bad decision can we correct our mistake and recover what we have lost? Can we undone what we have done? And can the heart forgive? My first ride on the angst train so this is my rookie ride... (angst with happy ending thought)
1. Changing point

For a second everything was white and soundless. The moment lasted unimaginably long till the white light subsided and the noises of the world came back rushing on them like a merciless downpour in the form of ringing ears and piercing screams.

He felt dizzy. His legs wobbled under him as he tried to stand then he felt a strong hit on his shoulder and being off balance he fell to the ground with a hard thud, still blinking unaware where he was and what happened just before the blinding white light.

But this blissful state of obliviousness couldn't last long as among the dozens of screams his ears was hit by the one familiar.

''Ladybug!"

He scrambled to his feet again and reality was evident and undeniable in front of his eyes as the enormous crater in the place of the building that had stood there just a minute before.

Before the crumbling. Before the explosion.

''Ladybug! Ladybuuug!" Rena's shouts echoed through the now empty place while she frantically tried to search after her last companion.

Only to find nothing.

There was nothing there anymore. Just an empty crater with some debris on the side, shattered into smaller pieces by the detonation.

He took a step, then another, until his feet got in sync with his frantic heartbeats.

It couldn't be. No, it couldn't. It was a bad dream. It wasn't real. He kept saying these to himself as he jumped into the crater as well, head searching in utter madness for any signs of the heroine. But there was nothing. Not even his cat eyes could find any trace of her. He desperately turned around but nothing. Nothing remained from the building. There was nothing.

His mind was railing and he felt his breathing getting heavier and more labored with each second. He couldn't see her anywhere. He was about to run to the side and start to dig himself through the debris but a firm hand landed on his shoulder jerking him backwards with full force.

''This is your fault!" Rena cried out as both of her hand now were gripping his shoulder and tears steamed down her face. ''This is all your fault! You did this! You killed her!" She choked on the last word and the sobbing stopped her from yelling any further.

''No… I…" He tried to take a step back but feeling the movement under her touch Rena Rouge gripped down harder on him.

''You…!" Her voice died off again but she gulped down her tears and tried to continue.''You…" But the force slowly dripped from her tone and the venom was replaced by despair. ''She… she trusted you. She trusted you. S-She al-always thought y-you would have her back."

''I…" He started but didn't know what to say. His own throat constricting painfully, not letting any air into his lungs.

''And you killed her!" Rena shouted using up the last bit of energy before slumping to the ground, dissolving into uncontrollable sobs.

''Rena!" Came a voice from further away before the turtle hero landed a few meters from them. ''Rena!" Carapace ran to her immediately pulling her into an embrace. ''Rena, where is Ladybug?"

But he got no answer from the girl in his arms. She just kept helplessly sobbing like the world just ended. And it truly ended.

Carapace became as hopeless as the girl but this helplessness morphed into anger as his angry gaze shot up to the cat in front of him. ''What have you done? What did you do to her?!" He demanded.

''L-L-Lady-y-bug-g" She choked out in trembling voice. For a moment confusion was evident on the turtle hero's face but slowly it dawned on him too.

''Guys, you didn't pick up!" Queen Bee huffed as she landed beside them. ''What are you doing here?" She hissed at Chat Noir but the boy was frozen in place. She rolled her eyes as she pushed him out of the way. ''Guys, what's with you all?" She asked again obviously annoyed but suddenly her brain registered the sobbing Rena Rouge on the ground held by Carapace. ''Guys…?" She tentatively took a step closer, her face getting paler. ''Where is Ladybug?"

Carapace looked up at her and shook his head.

''No…" Queen Bee whispered out before she turned towards Chat Noir again. ''You did this?!"

In that moment Chat's ring let out a warning beep dragging him out of his stupor. His head shot up and a sob escaped as he ran. Ran and ran and ran until he could run away from this reality. It's just that he couldn't.

 **So... this was the first chapter. Any thoughts? Critiques are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Invitation

''So… the day has come." Ladybug stood tall in the face of danger. She could barely believe the day had finally come when they stare into each other's eyes. Face to face with their enemies. Hawkmoth, the one villain who had constantly terrorized Paris for the last 2 almost 3 years, and his new henchwoman Le Paon.

''Relax LB, we got this. It's five against two, should be a child's play." Chat Noir said reassuringly as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

''The cat is right, they have no chance." Queen Bee stated confidently taking a step forward.

''But don't forget about the akuma, guys. There is no way Hawkmoth would fight with us in person without some akuma back up." Rena chimed in concern lacing her voice.

''But that's still only two and half opponent. I doubt the dude is good at close combat. His power is to possess." Carapace mused on this for a moment. Something felt off.

''That's the problem." Ladybug's tone was very serious and everybody turned in her direction. ''Why did he come in person? He could create an akuma and fight from the safety of his lair. Being here is far to much risk to him compared to what he can gain."

''Maybe he got impatient?" Queenie shrugged.

''Yeah, we keep beating him for almost 3 years now." Chat nodded in agreement.

''Even with his pitiful partner he couldn't beat us. It was inevitable that some day he will have enough and come after us in person." Rena stepped to her side and threw an arm around her shoulders. ''Come on LB, we got this!"

Ladybug just shook her head. ''You don't understand. Hawkmoth is cunning, smart, loves to experiment… he is many things but brave is not one of them. He would never show up in person unless he is sure of his victory. Facing us with an akuma and losing means not much while facing us in person and losing means total defeat. He would try everything before coming for us like this. It would be his last resort, especially knowing his abilities are not for direct combat."

Carapace's furrowed his eyebrows. ''So that means…?"

''That he has a plan. A plan apparently so good it's worth all the risk." The red clad heroine finished with words heavier than iron, eyes fixated on her mortal enemy.

''Ladybug…" Chat stepped in front of her, blocking the sight of the enemy from her. ''Milady, listen… Whatever happens here today we will face it together. We are partners and best friends and I will always have your back."He smiled at her as she was his sun. A smile that would chase away the clouds and all the darkness of the world. Then he leaned forward, touching her forehead with his and whispered in a low voice. ''We'll always be here for you. I always will, my lady."

Ladybug took his hand and squeezed it. Her smile just as sweet as his as she said softly. ''Thank you, Chaton."

''It's not like we have a choice. We can't just ignore him and go home." Rena said gripping her weapon.

''So we will just… walk right into his trap?" The turtle hero asked, letting out a defeated sigh. ''This day sucks."

''Go home ninja turtle if you have a problem." Queen Bee huffed. ''As for me, I am ready to kick some ass today."

Everybody was waiting for Ladybug's command and she figured it wouldn't be good waiting any longer. They had to face them eventually. She knew since Hawkmoth invited them to this meeting,  
making it clear he would come only if they were all present and if they didn't show up his akuma would destroy Paris before he call it back, making purifying the butterfly and restoring the city impossible. All of this screamed TRAP but there was something more than this. Much more… Call it intuition but she could fell it, deep down in her guts, surging through her veins, crawling under her skin… Something terrible was about to happen and she feared the worst.

''Let's go." Ladybug gave out the command eventually, knowing well they couldn't avoid this. She made her way towards the two adults. Her comrades wordlessly followed her prepared to fight from the very fist second.

When they were only a few meters away they man, Hawknmoth in person was in front of them looking down on the teens with a coy smile.

''Ladybug and Chat Noir… and your little buddies." He only spared a glance to the others, his main focus was on the original duo. ''Welcome to this meeting on this lovely day."

Queen Bee was about to take off and strangle him but Ladybug stopped her with raising her hand. ''Get to the point, Hawkmoth."

His smile only grew wider seeing the hot headed girl but then he adopted his business face. ''I see you want to drop the formalities. Very well. I called you here to surrender your miraculous to me."

Chat couldn't believe his ears. He had to be kidding. Red hot anger boiled in him. ''As if! You tried to get our miraculouses for years and you think we will just hand them over to you nicely because you asked in person?!"

Hawkmoth regarded him with his pale blue eyes a frown on his face before he spoke. ''Watch you mouth when you are talking to your father… Adrien."

All the faces drained of color, the sudden shock replacing all determination and fighting spirit they once had. Ladybug felt her blood run cold. The others kept glancing at each other for answers they didn't have.

''Wha…What did you just say…?" Chat whispered out in a choked voice.

''Adrien, I came here today to reunite my family." The man said as he reached out towards Chat Noir with a warm smile. ''Come here, son."

''No… it can't be true…" The boy took a step back. His eyes wide from shock and denial as he tried to fight down the growing pain in his chest. ''You can't be him…"

''Son, we can be a family again. I can bring back your mother."

Chat stopped his retreat, frozen in place. ''What?"

''With the earrings of the ladybug and ring of the black cat I will be able to bring back your mother." Hawkmoth stepped closer, his arm still in the air. ''You want your mother back too, right?"

The boy kept frantically looking around to find something stable to grab onto this moment as his world was falling into pieces. ''But…we… we can't…"

''Yes, we can." The man stated in a firm tone that lacked any uncertainty or hesitation and the boy's eyes snapped back at his. ''Only the guardian's stupid rules keep us away from your mother. Who is he to say when we can use the power of the miraculous and when we can't?"

Chat hesitated. His comrades were still in stupor from the shock but slowly stated to come back to their senses. Blond with green eyes? Missing mother? Horrible father? There was only one person they knew who matched all those criteria. They just didn't want to believe it.

Hawknoth saw the resolution of his son wavering. He smirked. He only needed to deliver to last blow. ''You want your mother back, right? We can't leave her all alone. When her family is waiting for her, wants her back. You love your mother, aren't you, Adrien?"

''Adrikins…" Queen Bee whispered as he watched her childhood friend took a step towards the man.

''You can really bring her back?" Chat asked in a small voice barely above a whisper.

''Yes, I can." Hawkmoth smiled. ''With combining the black cat and ladybug miraculouses you can get ultimate power."

''Adrien, no!" Ladybug jumped, grabbing his hand before he was out of reach. ''Every wish has its price. Bringing back your mother would mean somebody else must die!"

''Do you see, Adrien? You so called friend and partner cares more about strangers than your happiness. How can she ask you to forget your mother and the love you have for her when we have to opportunity to bring her back? Isn't that selfish? Forcing her beliefs on others? And it's not even sure that will happen."The man stated arrogantly while he sectretly sent a signal to his partner. Le Paon prepared herself.

''You can't just bring back people and upset the balance as you-" Ladybug snapped but her angry rant was cut off as Chat pulled away his hand.

''Chat…?"

''Sorry, my lady."Chat said and Ladybug's eyes widened. And in the next moment when he turned towards her he moved fast in an attempt to grab her earrings.

''Adrien, no!" Queen Be shouted.

Before he could reach Ladybug however, Carapace took action, grabbed the heroine and jumped away while Rena Rouge blocked the upcoming attack from Le Paon.

The bee heroine sent a kick into Le Paon's side successfully distracting her enough so Rena and she could ran after the other two.

The peacock was about to take off chasing after them but her boss stopped her. ''Leave them. I still need to create and akuma. We have to make sure we get the ladybug earrings this time."

''Wasn't it really necessary to reveal your identity to them?" The woman asked with narrowed eyes. There were many things they could lose on his gambling.

''Don't worry about it. When we win they won't have anything against us. Today it should be over."

Chat Noir was watching as his former comrades vanished on the horizon and he had to force back tears. This wouldn't do. He had to be stronger. He had to be stronger to save her mother. Even if he betrayed his friends and himself while doing so…


	3. Surging pain

Chat Noir rushed across the Parisian rooftops with blurry eyes, tears steaming down his face. He was completely unfocused, didn't see or hear anything, didn't want to see or hear anything. He finally stopped or rather fell when his foot got caught and he promptly crashed into an alley way. He could even consider himself lucky as his transformation vanished right after he hit the ground. He could have lost it midair jumping between buildings, but crashing into the hard cold cement didn't give him any comfort.

He tried to get up but only managed to get himself on his knees as his legs gave out underneath him every time he tried.

He didn't want to see or hear anything, but his heart's painfully slamming into his ribcage still reminded him. Reminded him that he was alive. And she wasn't. His partner, his best friend, the love of his life was dead, nothing remained of her. And it was all his fault.

He killed her.

He killed her.

HE KILLED HER.

He choked on air and started to vomit. What, he didn't know. He hadn't eaten anything since morning and it seemed like that had been years ago. He choked again but nothing came out except some gastric acid. His entire body shivered. His arms shook underneath him and he fell to the ground as uncontrollable sobs took over him. He pulled up his knees to his chest, the cascade of tears flowing freely from his eyes.

After a few minutes Plagg sat down in front of his form.

''Kid…" The kwami whispered tentatively reaching out to touch his chosen's cheek but Adrien jerked away from him.

Plagg sighed. ''Kid, you need to get up. You'll catch a cold."

The boy ignored him, hiding behind his arms pitifully.

The kwami didn't give up. ''Kid-''

''I…I ki…killed h-h-her… Plagg…" He breathed out between sobs. ''I-I… kil-led her… and now…s-she is dead…b-because of me…!"

Plagg knew how conflicted Adrien had been when he had accepted the deal and how his father had promised him nothing would happen to any of his friends. But Plagg also knew what kind of man Gabriel Agreste was. That man strongly believed he can redefine the flow of time and recreate the history. Some causalities were nothing to him, but even the kwami doubted killing Ladybug was part of his plan. Even so it happened, and he could do nothing to prevent it. The miraculous holders choose the way they want to wield the miraculous. He can resist but nothing would change.

Just as now. What had been done couldn't be undone. One life had ended today and there was nothing they could do against it. But as Plagg gazed down on his chosen he realized, there was more than just one life that had been lost.

The boy started coughing as no air could go through his nostrils anymore. The kwami's heart broke upon seeing him in this state. He didn't deserve any of this. He just wanted his mother. His family. That shouldn't be so wrong. But Plagg also knew how even the purest wish and best intention could lead to a catastrophe. He had seen it, one after another and he hated it. He hated it every time. How he could do nothing but sit back and watch as his chosen's ruined their lives. He cursed himself for being the embodiment of bad luck.

But this time could be different. This time they had Tikki and Ladybug on their side. Things could have gone differently. Adrien could have a happy life staying with his love bug. But all of this was taken away from him by no other than his own father. By his father's damn selfishness. Plagg gritted his teeth. He could never forgive Gabriel for this not even in his next life!

Plagg heard a small whimper from underneath him and he sighed. His green eyes looked down at the boy and he had no idea how to make things right. The little being lowered himself onto Adrien's head and gently stroked his hair. ''Kid, you didn't want to kill her. You didn't want to hurt her."

''But she's dead, Plagg. She's dead…." The boy trailed off as another wave of sobs hit him.

It was at least half an hour before he started to run out of tears, violently rubbing bloodshot eyes didn't help. He wanted to wipe out the sight, the moment she had looked back at him. Her blue eyes that shone with terror.

He gripped his head, the image physically pained him.

Plagg watched him silently, waiting the moment the boy was calm enough to talk. ''Adrien, we should go. It's starting to get dark out here."

Dull green eyes rolled up slowly to meet acid-green ones. ''She's dead, Plagg. My Lady's dead. She isn't here anymore." Adrien whispered out, his voice showed all the guilt and resignation Plagg feared so much.

''I know."

''I killed her."The boy uttered numbly.

''No, the akuma-''The kwami started but was immediately cut off.

''I killed her." Adrien repeated.

''It was an accident-''

''I killed her!" The boy snapped, jumping to his feet then marched up right to the nearest dumpster and started punching it. He punched and punched and punched, even kicked a few times but nothing helped his self-loathing. The anger and hatred he felt towards himself. Blood dripped down from his hands but he didn't stop. He punched the metal until he didn't feel pain anymore in his fists. The last bit of comfort the pain had given him vanishing as well. Numbness took over him after the piercing pain and he slid onto the ground, his body limp like a doll.

The last of the tears his body could produce formed in his eyes and Plagg was there to wipe them away. ''You just wanted your mother back. You didn't know this would happen."

''But she's gone." Adrien whispered, clutching his chest, digging his nails into his own flesh but it did nothing to console his aching heart. All the times they had spent together, all those times when she had laughed on his silly jokes… all those times she had been looking at him with those bluebell eyes… The night patrols, the shared fist bumps, the daily missions… ''What will I do without her? How could I live without her?"

He couldn't imagine his world without the girl he had always loved. Who had brightened his days with only her smile. Who had that selfless, caring nature and overcome every obstacles. Who had meant the world to him.

''You will live on." Plagg lowered himself to sit on his shoulder and with his little paws he stroked his hair again. ''You will simply live on."


End file.
